An Ongoing List of Presidential Declarations

For those of you who don’t know, I plan on being elected President of the Universe. You can all vote for me in 2036 (I will be the only candidate). How exactly I plan on achieving global domination will, for now, remain a mystery. The important thing is this. Throughout my many years of conniving and scheming  I’ve made a mental list of ongoing changes I’d like to see implemented into my global empire. Problem is, I forget most of them. So this is where I’ve decided to keep a dedicated manifesto.

 

1) Every Tuesday will be Taco Tuesday.

2) All musicals will have a mandatory tap dancing number.

3) Thumb rings are banned.

4) Taking up 2 seats on the bus is punishable by up to 10 years in jail and a hefty fine.

5) Implementation of a Scholastic Book Fair for adults.

6) All other Matthews, Matts, and Mattys will require a mandatory name change or be exiled to the island of Matt-agascar (except for Matthew Perry).

7) Every changing room must legally provide a bench.

8) 8am classes will be banned.

9) No more New Years glasses until the years 3000-3009

10) More men’s Halloween costumes of the slutty variety.

11) All urinals shall have adequate dividers placed between them

12) A bold reimagining and invigoration of the blimp industry. 3 blimps or zeppelins for every city.

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