In support of the body positivity movement, lifeguards around the world are teaming up to cover up their glistening abs with inflatable sumo suits.
“I just think it’s totally gnarly bro.” says Brett, a 23 year old lifeguard from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. “We have a collective responsibilty to create safe environments where we as a society can lift each other up, rather than tear each other down over superficial reasons like body fat percentage. We want the beach to be an inclusive public space for everyone. And if that means I can’t flex on some babes on my way to rescue a baby dolphin then so be it.”
Next we spoke with Carl, a local swimmer who identifies as obese.
“I’m incredibly supportive of this new movement. There was a time when I felt I could never take my shirt off at a beach because I was always comparing myself to these young professionals with bodies like Greek sculptures. But now, seeing them waddle around in those inflatable suits, my self-esteem has never been higher. I now have the self-confidence to build my sand castle near the volleyball court, even if Justin threatens to kick it down. The Fortress of Fudgesicles will rise again!”
It’s official: inflatable sumo suits are here to stay, with the International Olympic Committee voting to make it the official uniform of Olympic lifeguards.
UPDATE: We are now getting unconfirmed reports that a victim has drowned after inflatable sumo suits kept lifeguards from breeching the surface of the water. More to follow.